"Trauma and our responses to it cannot be understood outside the context of human relationships. Whether people have survived an earthquake or have been repeatedly sexually abused, what matters most is how those experiences affect their relationships -- to their loved ones, to themselves and to the world. The most traumatic aspects of all disasters involve the shattering of human connections. And this is especially true for children. Being harmed by the people who are supposed to love you, being abandoned by them, being robbed of the one-on-one relationships that allow you to feel safe and valued and to become humane -- these are profoundly destructive experiences. Because humans are inescapably social beings, the worst catastrophes that can befall us inevitably involve relational loss.
"As a result, recovery from trauma and neglect is also all about relationships -- rebuilding trust, regaining confidence, returning to a sense of security and reconnecting to love. Of course, medications can help relieve symptoms and talking to a therapist can be incredibly useful. But healing and recovery are impossible -- even with the best medications and therapy in the world -- without lasting, caring connections to others. Indeed, at heart it is the relationship with the therapist, not primarily his or her methods or words of wisdom, that allows therapy to work. All the children who ultimately thrived following our treatment did so becasue of a strong social network that surrounded and supported them.
"What healed children like Peter, Justin, Amber and Laura were the people around them, their families, their friends, the folks who respected them, who were tolerant of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities and who were patient in helping them slowly build new skills. Whether it was the coach who allowed Ted to keep team statistics, Mama P. who helped teach Virginia how to nurture Laura, the first graders who took Peter under their wing and protected him, or the incredible adoptive parents of so many of my patients -- all of them provided the most important therapy that these children ever received. Because what they needed most was a rich social environment, one where they could belong and be loved" (Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook, 2006, pp. 231-32).
1 comment:
Bruce Perry shows great compassion for children. Those quotes are insightful and helpful.
I was just reading a handbook for deaconesses at Neuendettelsau, written in 1878. This paragraph on caring for children makes a good parallel quote:
A Nursery Sister mus above all things have a large measure of innate love for children, sanctified by the spirit of Christ. One who lacks this love is not fitted for service in the Nursery. Children are to be loved for their own sake, and still more by reason of their baptism, by which they have put on Christ. Learn to view them in the light of holy baptism, and then you will be able to serve them properly.
Hearty, unconquerable kindness is closely allied to love, and is a chief requisite in the successful management of children, whose souls are to be cared for, that is, familiarized with the light, which is Christ. This kindly light - natural kindness, hallowed by the indwelling of Christ, must shine upon them. The little ones must begin to realize in the face of their care-taker the saying: "Cause Thy face to shine, and we shall be saved." A human being, growing up in a dark, gloomy place, becomes stunted; a human soul, receiving its first impressions from gloomy, sullen, joyless faces, is injured. Women inclining to melancholy or despondency have a difficult position in the deaconess calling, and are not at all fitted to labor among Christ's lambs. Therefore, should your work be among these, pray for a rich measure of joy from within and cheerfulness without.
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