16 August 2010

The Dormition of St. Mary, the Mother of God

Let us arise and go to a city of Judah, and enter a priestly house, and rejoice in God our Savior.

And let us do so on this day in the remembrance of His mercy, with thanksgiving for His maidservant, the Blessed Virgin Mary, by whom He has become one with us, flesh of our flesh and blood of our blood.

She is, with us, a member of His Church, and in a special way she is an icon of that Royal Bride of Christ, that Holy Mother of God’s sons and daughters. In giving thanks for His grace and mercy upon her, we give thanks for His great mercy upon generation after generation, and upon us.

Because He is conceived and born of the Woman, this new Eve, this dear St. Mary, He is conceived and born for us, the sons and daughters of the first Adam and the first Eve, that we might receive the new birth of water, Word and Spirit, and the adoption of sons of God our Father.

So has He accomplished for us, first of all by becoming like us in all ways, save without sin, and then also by His Cross and Resurrection in our flesh. Born under the Law, and submitting Himself to the Law on our behalf, He has kept and fulfilled the Law for us, in perfect faith and love. Precisely in that same faith and love, He has suffered the judgment and punishment of the Law, the shame and humiliation of our sin and death, and has thereby atoned for our sin, defeated our death, destroyed our enemy the devil, redeemed us for Himself, and reconciled us to God forever.

All of this He has done, once for all — for St. Mary and St. Elizabeth, for Father Abraham and all his children, for Adam and Eve and all their children, and therefore, also, no less for you. It is an accomplished fact in His own flesh and blood, in His own Body and life, in His own Person, in the Kingdom of His God and Father, even now on earth (in His Church) as it is in heaven.

It is already true — it has been accomplished, and it is finished, complete, perfected — solid as a rock, never to be undone. So tightly has He bound Himself to us, by His Incarnation of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and so tightly are His Cross and Resurrection united in Him, in His Body of flesh and blood like ours, that, even though you are small and weak and poor, lowly and mortal, dying and wasting away a little more every day, yet are you resurrected and ascended in and with Christ Jesus, the Son of God and Mary’s Son. In Him your life is already hidden with God, seated on high in the heavenly places, exalted far above all angels and archangels, above the cherubim and seraphim and the whole heavenly host.

But surely you do not see or feel or experience that heavenly glory and reality now. It is by faith in the Word of God, which you hear, and not by human sight. What you see and feel and experience in your life on earth is hunger, want and need; sickness and death; hardship and pain; ridicule and persecution; disappointment and despair; suffering and sorrow. You bear the reproach of your neighbor and the world, the assaults and accusations of the devil, the humiliation and shame of your own sin and guilt and faults and errors.

You hear that your sins are forgiven, and yet, you still suffer many of their consequences; not all of them, but many.

You hear that the Lord is with you, that He loves you, that His gracious favor is upon you, yet you often feel lonely and unloved, out of favor and forgotten.

You hear of the great blessings of Christ, but, as they come by and with and through His Cross, they are blessings often hard to bear.

You hear that God feeds and clothes you and preserves your life, but you still have to manage and juggle your finances, and work for a living, and pay your bills, and day by day you find yourself slowing down, getting tired and sometimes getting sick, wearing out and wasting away.

Against all of this harsh experience, the Church in heaven and on earth sets the incarnate Son of God, Christ Jesus, crucified, risen and ascended in our human flesh and blood. Here is the true Man, conceived and born of Mary, who is our sister and our mother; and He, the Lord Jesus, her Son, our Brother, has been tempted in all ways as you are tempted; He has suffered in all the ways that you suffer; He has borne all of your sins in His own body, and He has carried all the sins of those who trespass against you, so that by His stripes and holy wounds you are healed.

He has shed His blood for you, for your redemption and atonement, and He has suffered and died in your place, on your behalf. He has gone through hell on your account and for your benefit.

And God raised this same Jesus, the Son of Mary, from the dead. This One who humbled Himself, even unto death, God has highly exalted above all heavens and has bestowed on Him the Name which is above every name.

That is why we make the crucifix a beautiful work of art, finally crafted and often of polished metal. It is why we use the finest vessels we can for the Holy Communion, and adorn the Church in splendor, and reverence the crucified Lord with deliberate ceremonies. It is why we clothe the newly baptized in white garments, even though they may be crying or screaming or messing themselves as we do so. It is why we clothe the ministers of Christ with colorful and elaborate vestments, though they are mortal men, poor miserable sinners like anyone else. It is why we sing sturdy hymns of substance and great confidence, even in the face of sin and death.

And it is why we say of this young girl from Nazareth, that she is rightly called and truly is the Mother of God. For her dear Son, the blessed Fruit of her sanctified womb, even as a tiny Fetus hidden within her body, is the very Lord, our God.

With all these things, with our lips and with our lives, we confess before the world that the Lord has had regard for the humble state of His servants. We confess that in His great mercy He has done great things for us; that with His mighty arm, His hands outstretched upon the Cross, He has done truly mighty deeds for us.

With St. Mary, with St. Elizabeth and all the faithful (in heaven and on earth), we exalt the Lord, and our spirits rejoice in God our Savior. Which is to exalt and rejoice in the Son of Mary, for He is true God, and she is the Mother of our Lord.

In remembering her Dormition on this day — that is, her falling asleep in Jesus, in the sure and certain hope of His Resurrection — the Church rejoices and confesses that Mary’s Son is not the God of the dead, but of the living. In giving thanks to God for St. Mary, we believe, teach and confess that her Son, Christ Jesus, has fulfilled all that God has spoken and promised.

In considering that she who was humble has been exalted, in counting her blessed among women, we confess the Cross and Resurrection of Christ Jesus, our Lord, and count ourselves also exalted in Him. Even in the midst of lowliness and grief, in the midst of darkness, burdened by sin, threatened by death and destruction.

Even here, we do not fear.

We trust that, just as the Son of God was conceived and born of Mary by His Word and Spirit, so have you been conceived and born of His Church, as sons of God by grace through faith — in the same Word and Spirit that came to the Blessed Virgin.

We trust that, just as the Son of God became flesh and blood of her flesh and blood, and dwelt within St. Mary’s body, so does the same Son of God with the same flesh and blood come to dwell in your body in the Holy Communion.

As you eat of His Body and drink of His Blood, and as you have been united with Him, in His Cross and Resurrection, by your Holy Baptism, so are His Resurrection and Ascension surely yours.

So surely are they also St. Mary’s.

For the Lord our God, Christ Jesus, her Son, our Brother in the flesh and the Savior of us all, feeds the hungry with good things, in the remembrance of His mercy, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

12 August 2010

Between Perfect and Worthless

There's a lot of ground between perfect and worthless. Do not suppose that you have yet attained to either end of that great expanse.

There is but One who is Perfect, yes, only One.

Yet, there is no one who is worthless, no, not even one.

For the Perfect One has given Himself for all, and that is worth quite a lot.

You, yes you, are precious and of great price to that Perfect One, who has redeemed you, purchased and won you, not with perishable gold and silver, nor with stocks and bonds, but with His holy and precious blood, with His innocent suffering and death.

07 August 2010

For Those Who Asked (and anyone else)

From the Rudisillian Retreat at Redeemer this past week:

Here is the presentation that LaRena and I gave on the Church as the Household and Family of God; and

Here is the sermon I preached for the Commemoration of the Holy Ghost (Acts 8:14-17; St. John 14:23-31) at the concluding Votive Mass.

28 July 2010

Hymns for Proper 14-20 Series C

First Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 14 (Sunday on August 7–13)

Genesis 15:1–6
Hebrews 11:1–16
Luke 12:22–34 (35–40)

Hymn of Invocation
Let all mortal flesh keep silence (LSB 621)

Hymn of the Day / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
O little flock, fear not the foe (LSB 666)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
How firm a foundation, O saints of the Lord (LSB 728)
Salvation unto us has come (LSB 555)
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father (LSB 809)
Sing with all the saints in glory (LSB 671)

Hymn of Departure
O God, our help in ages past (LSB 733)

Alternative Hymns
Consider how the birds above (LSB 736)
Entrust your days and burdens (LSB 754)
Evening and morning (LSB 726)
Father most holy, merciful and tender (LSB 504)
Father, we praise Thee (LSB 875)
Guide me, O Thou great Redeemer (LSB 918)
Have no fear, little flock (LSB 735)
If God Himself be for me (LSB 724)
If thou but trust in God to guide thee (LSB 750)
Jerusalem, my happy home (LSB 673)
Jesus, priceless treasure (LSB 743)
Rise, my soul, to watch and pray (LSB 663)
Saints, see the cloud of witnesses (LSB 667)
Seek where you may to find a way (LSB 557)
Sing praise to God, the highest good (LSB 819)
Soul, adorn yourself with gladness (LSB 636)
The God of Abraham praise (LSB 798)
There is a time for ev’rything (LSB 762)
Wake, awake, for night is flying (LSB 516)
What God ordains is always good (LSB 760)


Second Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 15 (Sunday on August 14–20)

Jeremiah 23:16–29
Hebrews 11:17–31 (32–40); 12:1–3
Luke 12:49–53 (54–56)

Hymn of Invocation
Come, Thou almighty King (LSB 905)

Hymn of the Day / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
Lord, keep us steadfast in Your Word (LSB 655)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
The Son of God goes forth to war (LSB 661)
I bind unto myself today (LSB 604)
O God, my faithful God (LSB 696)
Thy strong word did cleave the darkness (LSB 578)

Hymn of Departure
Evening and morning (LSB 726)

Alternative Hymns
Abide, O dearest Jesus (LSB 919)
Come, Holy Ghost, God and Lord (LSB 497)
For all the saints who from their labors rest (LSB 677)
From God can nothing move me (LSB 713)
God’s Word is our great heritage (LSB 582)
I walk in danger all the way (LSB 716)
If God Himself be for me (LSB 724)
In the shattered bliss of Eden (LSB 572)
Jesus, once with sinners numbered (LSB 404)
O God of light, Your Word, a lamp unfailing (LSB 836)
O Holy Spirit, enter in (LSB 913)
O little flock, fear not the foe (LSB 666)
Rise, my soul, to watch and pray (LSB 663)
Sing praise to God, the highest good (LSB 819)
The Gospel shows the Father’s grace (LSB 580)
The Law of God is good and wise (LSB 579)
Thee will I love, my strength, my tower (LSB 694)
Triune God, be Thou our stay (LSB 505)
Water, blood, and Spirit crying (LSB 597)
Who trusts in God a strong abode (LSB 714)


Third Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 16 (Sunday on August 21–27)

Isaiah 66:18–23
Hebrews 12:4–24 (25–29)
Luke 13:22–30

Hymn of Invocation
Triune God, be Thou our stay (LSB 505)

Hymn of the Day
A multitude comes from the east and the west (LSB 510)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
From depths of woe I cry to Thee (LSB 607)
In the shattered bliss of Eden (LSB 572)
The day is surely drawing near (LSB 508)
If God Himself be for me (LSB 724)

Hymn of Departure / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
Jerusalem the golden (LSB 672)

Alternative Hymns
A Lamb goes uncomplaining forth (LSB 438)
Built on the Rock the Church shall stand (LSB 645)
Christ, the Life of all the living (LSB 420)
Dear Christians, one and all, rejoice (LSB 556)
God loved the world so that He gave (LSB 571)
Hear us, Father, when we pray (LSB 773)
Jerusalem, my happy home (LSB 673)
Jerusalem, O city fair and high (LSB 674)
Jesus comes today with healing (LSB 620)
Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness (LSB 563)
O sacred head, now wounded (LSB 450)
Oh, what their joy and their glory must be (LSB 675)
Saints, see the cloud of witnesses (LSB 667)
Salvation unto us has come (LSB 555)
Sing, my tongue, the glorious battle (LSB 454)
Sing praise to God, the highest good (LSB 819)
The Bridegroom soon will call us (LSB 514)
Thine the amen, Thine the praise (LSB 680)
Why should cross and trial grieve me (LSB 756)
Wide open stand the gates (LSB 639)


Fourth Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 17 (Sunday on August 28—September 3)

Proverbs 25:2–10
Hebrews 13:1–17
Luke 14:1–14

Hymn of Invocation
These are the holy Ten Commands (LSB 581)

Hymn of the Day / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
Lord Jesus Christ, life-giving bread (LSB 625)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
Son of God, eternal Savior (LSB 842)
Now, my tongue, the myst’ry telling (LSB 630)
Soul, adorn yourself with gladness (LSB 636)
Lord, Thee I love with all my heart (LSB 708)

Hymn of Departure
May God bestow on us His grace (LSB 823)

Alternative Hymns
At the Lamb’s high feast we sing (LSB 633)
By grace I’m saved, grace free and boundless (LSB 566)
Christ is made the sure foundation (LSB 909)
Dear Christians, one and all, rejoice (LSB 556)
From God can nothing move me (LSB 713)
Hail, Thou once despised Jesus (LSB 531)
How clear is our vocation, Lord (LSB 853)
In the shattered bliss of Eden (LSB 572)
Jerusalem, my happy home (LSB 673)
Jesus comes today with healing (LSB 620)
Jesus, grant that balm and healing (LSB 421)
Let us ever walk with Jesus (LSB 685)
Lord Jesus Christ, be present now (LSB 902)
Lord Jesus Christ, we humbly pray (LSB 623)
Saints, see the cloud of witnesses (LSB 667)
Sing praise to God, the highest good (LSB 819)
Where charity and love prevail (LSB 845)
Who trusts in God a strong abode (LSB 714)
Wide open stand the gates (LSB 639)
Your table I approach (LSB 628)


Fifth Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 18 (Sunday on September 4–10)

Deuteronomy 30:15–20
Philemon 1–21
Luke 14:25–35

Hymn of Invocation
O God, my faithful God (LSB 696)

Hymn of the Day / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
How clear is our vocation, Lord (LSB 853)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
A mighty fortress is our God (LSB 656)
Church of God, elect and glorious (LSB 646)
From God can nothing move me (LSB 713)
Praise the Almighty, my soul, adore Him (LSB 797)

Hymn of Departure
Lord of all hopefulness (LSB 738)

Alternative Hymns
All people that on earth do dwell (LSB 791)
“As surely as I live,” God said (LSB 614)
“Come, follow Me,” the Savior spake (LSB 688)
Dear Christians, one and all, rejoice (LSB 556)
Guide me, O Thou great Redeemer (LSB 918)
I trust, O Lord, Your holy name (LSB 734)
In God, my faithful God (LSB 745)
In the cross of Christ I glory (LSB 427)
Jesus, grant that balm and healing (LSB 421)
Let us ever walk with Jesus (LSB 685)
Lord of glory, You have bought us (LSB 851)
Lord, Thee I love with all my heart (LSB 708)
My song is love unknown (LSB 430)
The God of Abraham praise (LSB 798)
The King of love my shepherd is (LSB 709)
The royal banners forward go (LSB 455)
The Son of God goes forth to war (LSB 661)
Thy works, not mine, O Christ (LSB 565)
Where charity and love prevail (LSB 845)
Why should cross and trial grieve me (LSB 756)


Sixth Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 19 (Sunday on September 11–17)

Ezekiel 34:11–24
1 Timothy 1:(5–11) 12–17
Luke 15:1–10

Hymn of Invocation
Chief of sinners though I be (LSB 611)

Hymn of the Day / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
Jesus sinners doth receive (LSB 609)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
O Christ, our true and only light (LSB 839)
O dearest Jesus, what law hast Thou broken (LSB 439)
I will sing my Maker’s praises (LSB 977e; TLH 25; LW 439)

Hymn of Departure
Now thank we all our God (LSB 895)

Alternative Hymns
As rebels, Lord, who foolishly have wandered (LSB 612)
“As surely as I live,” God said (LSB 614)
By grace I’m saved, grace free and boundless (LSB 566)
Christ, the Word of God incarnate (LSB 540)
Dear Christians, one and all, rejoice (LSB 556)
Entrust your days and burdens (LSB 754)
Father most holy, merciful and tender (LSB 504)
From depths of woe I cry to Thee (LSB 607)
God loved the world so that He gave (LSB 571)
I am Jesus’ little lamb (LSB 740)
I walk in danger all the way (LSB 716)
Jesus, Thy boundless love to me (LSB 683)
Just as I am, without one plea (LSB 570)
Lord Jesus, think on me (LSB 610)
Lord, to You I make confession (LSB 608)
My song is love unknown (LSB 430)
O God, O Lord of heaven and earth (LSB 834)
O God of light, Your Word, a lamp unfailing (LSB 836)
Send, O Lord, Your Holy Spirit (LSB 681)
The King of love my shepherd is (LSB 709)


Seventh Sunday in Martyrs’ Tide
Proper 20 (Sunday on September 18–24)

Amos 8:4–7
1 Timothy 2:1–15
Luke 16:1–15

Hymn of Invocation
God’s own child, I gladly say it (LSB 594)

Hymn of the Day / Catechetical Hymn of the Week
Seek where you may to find a way (LSB 557)

Hymns for the Distribution of the Holy Communion
Jesus, priceless treasure (LSB 743)
Salvation unto us has come (LSB 555)
By grace I’m saved, grace free and boundless (LSB 566)
In the cross of Christ I glory (LSB 427)

Hymn of Departure
All praise to Thee, for Thou, O King divine (LSB 815)

Alternative Hymns
All depends on our possessing (LSB 732)
Christ, the Life of all the living (LSB 420)
Dear Christians, one and all, rejoice (LSB 556)
Eternal Spirit of the living Christ (LSB 769)
God loved the world so that He gave (LSB 571)
Hear us, Father, when we pray (LSB 773)
Hope of the world, Thou Christ of great compassion (LSB 690)
How clear is our vocation, Lord (LSB 853)
In the shattered bliss of Eden (LSB 572)
Jesus, grant that balm and healing (LSB 421)
Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness (LSB 563)
Lord, enthroned in heav’nly splendor (LSB 534)
Lord of glory, You have bought us (LSB 851)
My song is love unknown (LSB 430)
One thing’s needful; Lord, this treasure (LSB 536)
Praise, my soul, the King of heaven (LSB 793)
Thee will I love, my strength, my tower (LSB 694)
What is the world to me (LSB 730)
Where charity and love prevail (LSB 845)
Who trusts in God a strong abode (LSB 714)

17 July 2010

At Home with the Lord in the House of Faith and Love

Is Martha not doing like the Good Samaritan in serving the Lord Jesus, her neighbor? And is Mary not keeping the first and greatest commandment in loving the Lord above all else and listening to His Word?

The home of Mary and Martha is the house of faith and love, the holy Christian Church — to which the Lord Jesus comes with His beautiful feet, shod with the Gospel of Peace; and there He is given and received by mouth and ears, with hands and heart.

Martha labors while Mary listens. There is a time and place, a reason and a purpose for both. These two sisters dwell together in one house and have one Lord whom they worship and serve by faith and love. But dear Mary, here, has the better part: She listens and receives in faith; and she also loves much, because she is forgiven much, and because she lives by the Lord's gracious Word and loving service.

All of Martha's labors depend upon the same Divine Service as Mary's listening, and her labors serve the same Divine Service for the sake of faith (her own and her sister's). Her love depends upon the Lord's love. Her service depends upon His service. Her words and works depend upon His Words and works. Her faith depends upon His faith and faithfulness.

The same is true for you — as it was for Mary, also, who gladly listened to the Lord and received the gifts He freely gave her.

If you strive to labor for your own life, as though your life depended on your own works and accomplishments, then you will never cease being worried and burdened by so many things, which you cannot bear and never will be able to bear.

Therefore, do not labor as though to achieve life for yourself, nor as though to gain your Lord and keep Him by your efforts. But as He has come to you in love, and as you have received Him, and as you do and shall receive Him, so then labor to extend His grace, mercy and peace to your sister and your brother.

Do not suppose that you should not work, but do the work that God has given you to do. The Lord has not called you to labor for your righteousness, life and salvation, but neither has He called you to laziness. Neither idolatry nor idleness belongs to your Christian vocation. Rather, six days shall you work, and the Seventh is your Sabbath Rest in Christ, sanctified for you by the Word of God and prayer. Then leisure serves listening, and rest serves receiving, as the Lord speaks to you and provides for you all that is needed.

That is the purpose unto which you labor throughout the week (whatever your particular job may be), that you, your family and your neighbors may rest in the Peace of Christ, in the preaching of His Gospel, in the eating of the Lord's Supper at the Lord's Table, in the Lord's House on the Lord's Day. That is to say, all your energy and effort derive from the strength and service you receive from that Holy Supper, and then by the same strength and service you return again — with your neighbor and your kin — to that Table of Christ in faith and love.

Whether you cook or clean, sew or sell, teach or toil, write or read, or whatever you are given to do in your particular station of life, it is for the provision and support of that one thing truly needed, and as a sacrifice of thanksgiving for that same free gift of God in Christ: the preaching of His Gospel of forgiveness and the administration of His life and salvation. Consider that each day, no matter what your job may be.

That is how the house of Father Abraham and his daughters, Mary and Martha, lives. You receive the Lord and welcome Him into your home, but then your house becomes an Emmaus, wherein the Lord is your Host, your Waiter, and your Meal.

There at home with Him, sitting at His feet and reclining at His Table, you are the Lord's Body and Bride, because you receive the Lord's Body and Blood. And you serve the Lord in His Body — no less so than the ministers of Christ serve His Church — by loving and serving your neighbor in body and soul; by providing shelter and clothing, food and drink, medicine and care, a place of safety, comfort and rest.

So, faith does not work, but love does not rest; for love is always working that faith may rest even in the midst of hardship. That is to say, love is always working for the neighbor, that the neighbor may rest in Christ by faith in His Gospel.

And it is the Lord Jesus Christ who is actively present and at work in both faith and love, both for you and for your neighbor.

Father Abraham and Sister Martha welcome Him, receive Him, and serve Him with loving hospitality. But faithful Mary and even incredulous Sarah receive Him, too, and they are served by His Word and promise of salvation.

To all of them, and to all of us — for you — the Son of promise has been given, who is the One Thing truly needed, which shall not be taken away from you.

Father Abraham washes His feet, and Sister Mary sits at His feet to listen, and there she also anoints His feet with oil (for this is that same Mary).

You also may wash the feet of Jesus and anoint them with oil, by loving His servants, His sisters and brothers, who serve you. And there at His feet, dear one, listen to His preaching; receive His hospitality; rest in His sure and certain promises; and live in His love. For here, with Him, you are at home.

In the Name + of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

14 July 2010

From Another Thought-Provoking Book

"Trauma and our responses to it cannot be understood outside the context of human relationships. Whether people have survived an earthquake or have been repeatedly sexually abused, what matters most is how those experiences affect their relationships -- to their loved ones, to themselves and to the world. The most traumatic aspects of all disasters involve the shattering of human connections. And this is especially true for children. Being harmed by the people who are supposed to love you, being abandoned by them, being robbed of the one-on-one relationships that allow you to feel safe and valued and to become humane -- these are profoundly destructive experiences. Because humans are inescapably social beings, the worst catastrophes that can befall us inevitably involve relational loss.

"As a result, recovery from trauma and neglect is also all about relationships -- rebuilding trust, regaining confidence, returning to a sense of security and reconnecting to love. Of course, medications can help relieve symptoms and talking to a therapist can be incredibly useful. But healing and recovery are impossible -- even with the best medications and therapy in the world -- without lasting, caring connections to others. Indeed, at heart it is the relationship with the therapist, not primarily his or her methods or words of wisdom, that allows therapy to work. All the children who ultimately thrived following our treatment did so becasue of a strong social network that surrounded and supported them.

"What healed children like Peter, Justin, Amber and Laura were the people around them, their families, their friends, the folks who respected them, who were tolerant of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities and who were patient in helping them slowly build new skills. Whether it was the coach who allowed Ted to keep team statistics, Mama P. who helped teach Virginia how to nurture Laura, the first graders who took Peter under their wing and protected him, or the incredible adoptive parents of so many of my patients -- all of them provided the most important therapy that these children ever received. Because what they needed most was a rich social environment, one where they could belong and be loved" (Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook, 2006, pp. 231-32).

07 July 2010

From the Good Book I Am Reading

"Girls who have the gift of humility are better placed to have deeper, longer-lasting friendships. With humility, your daughter is free to enjoy people for who they are; she'll have no haughty desire to cut people out of her life. This is extremely important because your daughter is a social creature. She needs other people. She needs adults to talk to, girlfriends to hang out with, and young men in her life to learn about relationships. No one can be happy in isolation. We are not made for isolation.

"Humility is the foundation of all healthy relationships. Humility keeps each party in a relationship respectful, honest, and relaxed. If your daughter lives with humility, she will discover who she is and what significance her life holds. She will experience joy and contentment in her life. Your daughter was created to live in an intricate web of relationships. Humility keeps her inside that web. Self-centeredness and pride pluck her out of it" (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, Meg Meeker, pp. 82-83).


"Humility is seeing ourselves honestly. It keeps us in the real world. Because we want our daughters to excel at everything they do, to be prettier, smarter, better than everbyody else, we can confuse our priorities -- and theirs.

"Our daughters don't need excessive praise to feel good about themselves. Deep inside, your daughter knows she's good at some things and not very good at other things. She often views her talents more realisitically than her parents do, and the harder her parents push the praise button, the more she questions herself: Is this the reason my parents love me so much? Am I worth more to my dad if I play the violin better?

"Another problem is self-centeredness. When family activities revolve around what we believe our kids 'need' or 'want' in order to feel better about themselves, we drive them to become self-centered. Many times girls gain a sense of superiority over their peers when they excel at something. And when this happens, they can become isolated from friends, peers, and family. Competitiveness creeps in. Their sense of superiority makes their world small and self-contained. They find no joy in what's around them. They focus on success, not on friends. . . .

"Don't let this happen to your daughter. Keep her world larger than herself and her talents. Gently guide her to recognize her strengths and limitations. Let her fail. Let her know that you still love her when she fails. Let her know that she's valuable not only for what she does, but for who she is. Here is your chance to teach her one of life's greatest lessons: people are valuable because they're human, not because of what they do. . . .

"Can a woman be both gorgeous and humble? Can your daughter be brilliant, in passionate pursuit of a successful career, but still appreciate that she alone is not wholly responsible for her success? Absolutely. Humility will make your daughter's accomplishments shine all the more, and she will be more emotionally grounded, more satisfied, and happier than if she had tried to imitate Paris Hilton's life" (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Meeker, pp. 79-81).


"Teaching your daughter humility is vital but tricky. You can't simply tell her that she's the same as her brother, the homeless woman on the street, and everyone else. Your daughter needs to feel unique and important in your eyes.

"Teaching humility will demand more of you as a father than that. Humility doesn't make sense unless it is modeled. If you want your daughter to love reading, you must read. If you want her to be athletic, go for a run. The same is true with humility. If you live it, she will get it. Remember, she is a dry sponge following you around, waiting to see what you think, feel, and do.

"Humility can be hard for many men to embrace. But not to embrace it is a dangerous game of self-deception. You and I know men who lack humility. Their lives become futile chases for things that don't matter, and neglectful of things that do.

"I have known many successful men who embody extraordinary humility. They are successful professionally, intellectually, and emotionally because they understand that life is bigger than they are. Their work and their being fit into a much larger picture. Their successes not only benefit themselves -- they also help those around them. A father's humility is a gift to his daughter" (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, pp. 77-78).