tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post6267518097229241095..comments2023-09-12T10:10:57.773-04:00Comments on thinking-out-loud: Matchmaking, Boyfriends and GirlfriendsRev. Rick Stuckwischhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10664716292792101540noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-88381439427292216302007-06-06T10:39:00.000-04:002007-06-06T10:39:00.000-04:00Amiga has posed a couple of good questions, to whi...Amiga has posed a couple of good questions, to which I'd like to respond briefly.<BR/><BR/>Parents are not perfect, and they do not always follow their own good advice. They are honored for the sake of God's Word, and not because they've done everything right. They may not even be the sharpest tools in the shed, either, but their authority is that of the Fourth Commandment. And as I've said before, children can trust the Lord who gave them their father and mother in love.<BR/><BR/>Where parents have made mistakes, fallen short and failed in their own lives, and thereby given bad examples, children ought to guard themselves against those errors. Not by dishonoring or disobeying father and mother, but by doing as they say, not as they do. Jesus gives similar advice concerning the scribes and pharisees, who sit in Moses' seat, even though they do not live according to the very Law they are given to teach.<BR/><BR/>In cases where father and mother give advice or direction that is contrary to the Word of God, then the standing rule applies: We must obey God rather than man. The authority of father and mother is itself given by the Word of God; it is not an authority to disregard or contradict His Word.<BR/><BR/>I'm sad to say that I have encountered situations in which Christian parents have urged their children to live together prior to marriage. This is not only wrong and sinful; it significantly reduces the likelihood of a good marriage! In such cases, I have urged the young people in question to continue honoring their parents, but to recognize that this advice, however well-intended, should not be followed.<BR/><BR/>It is an exceptional situation when parents tell their children to do something that is clearly wrong, that is, contrary to God's Word. Otherwise, father and mother are to be honored and obeyed on account of God's Word. It is no exception to that rule when a young person believes that he or she knows better than Mom and Dad. Even if parents are foolish, eccentric and senile, they are still to be honored and served, loved and cherished, under the authority of the Lord Himself.Rev. Rick Stuckwischhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10664716292792101540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-27694894535775684592007-06-05T14:54:00.000-04:002007-06-05T14:54:00.000-04:00Great Advice. Would you say anything differently ...Great Advice. Would you say anything differently to young adults in the following situations?<BR/><BR/>1. They have parents who have had a not so loving marriage (as God intended- maybe an abusive marriage, adulterous marriage, etc), a divorce, or several marriages? <BR/><BR/>2. When in honoring their mother and father, their parents may give relationship advice that is contrary to Scripture (ie-why don't you live together to save on bills, etc)<BR/><BR/>I do encourage young adults to look to examples of good marriages in their congregations, as well as to remain in Word and Sacramentamigahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03786218633648956455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-59923442536730458952007-06-05T13:25:00.000-04:002007-06-05T13:25:00.000-04:00In connection to "Fav Apron's" comment: our mutua...In connection to "Fav Apron's" comment: our mutual friend and I have had a "ha-ha, but true" discussion of how a gal should look at a future father-in-law, because sooner or later, our husbands become their fathers, in lots of ways.<BR/> When dating it's easy to think you can "avoid" or "cope with" the future inlaws, but the truth is, when children are born, it's not that simple! Life is just more pleasant when the couple and both sets of parents have some kind of harmony going on!Sloppy Classicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04868058295443684964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-7440803831669437992007-06-05T13:20:00.000-04:002007-06-05T13:20:00.000-04:00Could this thread be made into an article for "Hig...Could this thread be made into an article for "Higher Things"....or a little "series" of articles even?Sloppy Classicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04868058295443684964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-13853681683299798622007-06-05T09:14:00.000-04:002007-06-05T09:14:00.000-04:00I am trying to hammer into my children ( here goes...I am trying to hammer into my children ( here goes Mom with another lecture again....) that you marry the family , not the person. Our extended family has seen 3 divorces in the last two years. In each case, I silently predicted the outcome. Long periods of living together, one devout person and one off-the-cuff person, one person growing up in a divorced home with no role model of a good marriage, etc.Genuine Lustrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11397566905693730324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-19188586467617900112007-06-04T12:10:00.000-04:002007-06-04T12:10:00.000-04:00This discussion is much more helpful than the myst...This discussion is much more helpful than the mysterious social "flailing about" young people are given to endure. It seems as though discussions of dating or creating a marital relationship are rare, awkward and difficult in families.Sloppy Classicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04868058295443684964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-27480141694467949202007-06-04T07:43:00.000-04:002007-06-04T07:43:00.000-04:00Thanks for your comments and questions, Nat.Let me...Thanks for your comments and questions, Nat.<BR/><BR/>Let me say, first of all, that the specific answer to almost any such question pertaining to the particulars of dating, is "Honor your father and your mother." I don't say that as a cop out, but because it is especially through fathers and mothers that God deals with young people and directs them in the way that they should go.<BR/><BR/>What constitutes "too long" is going to be different from one situation to another. It's less a factor of how much time is involved, and more the way that time is being spent, and where the relationship is going (or not going). Certainly, some amount of time is needed, in any case, to determine whether a friendship has the potential for marriage, and, if so, to make that transition.<BR/><BR/>Given the dynamics of our society, most younger teenagers are still years away from being ready for marriage. Maybe that suggests there ought not to be much "dating" or "courtship" early on. (The origins of the term "courtship" have made me less excited about using it. But I'm not going to get into that here.)<BR/><BR/>By the nature of the case, transitions don't happen all at once; nor do they need to. In the case of younger teenagers, I would suggest that the testing and transition can begin with the deepening of a good friendship, and with shared activities in the company of other friends.<BR/><BR/>Prolonging a "meaningless casual relationship" is wrong, I think, no matter how long it has been going on. That may be happening already on the first or second date. Again, it's not the amount of time that is the main problem, although that is a factor, certainly. It's the motivation and intention of the situation. Selfish indulgence is at the heart of our sinfulness, and ought to be guarded against, repented and confessed, wherever it emerges, in any and all of our relationships.Rev. Rick Stuckwischhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10664716292792101540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9048575444859487507.post-8452748641596628412007-06-03T23:48:00.000-04:002007-06-03T23:48:00.000-04:00So, one question, which probably has a simpler or ...So, one question, which probably has a simpler or more complex question depending on which direction you approach it from: it's been mentioned several times (by you, comments on this blog and on other blogs mentioning this post) that the period of courtship, or boyfriend-girlfriend-ship, is only a transition and should not be dwelt upon or made too long. Does this mean that one should not enter into courtship at all if they would not be ready to get married for years to come? This of course is nothing uncommon, as the onset of attraction to the opposite sex long precedes independence (as a rule, that is). It seems that in this situation, you either get a very long period of courtship (which we've already determined is undesirable), or somewhat meaningless casual relationships without any intention of going further; which is basically selfish indulgence (or am I wrong? is there a value to this sort of relationship that I'm missing?).Nathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05425529127597760502noreply@blogger.com